T100 parent-children's clothing to share: two love lies - in the name of "love" to occupy and control this is not called "love"

T100 parent-children's clothing to share: two love lies - in the name of "love" to occupy and control this is not called "love"

I love you so you have to listen to me!

This is a typical love lie in our society. Parents use this lie to control children. Teachers use this lie to control students. Men use this lie to control women. Women also use this lie to control men.

This lie is one of our collective unconsciousness. It originated from our common experience: when one or three years old, when children were toddlers and began to explore the world, adults could not help but complete tasks for the children. For example, when a child stumbles on a toy, the adults hand it to him; when the children crawl around, the adults stop him for fear; when the children play happily and shout, the adults warn them that they whisper...

In short, the adults have seriously hampered their children’s efforts to explore the world in order to “love” their children for safety.

And, after the children grow up, we will do so more. For example, to help children solve all problems, make all the decisions for the children, when the child refuses to accept it, they are forced to accept the child in the name of “love”. Parents are doing this and teachers are doing this too.

In doing so, it is undoubtedly hurting the child's life.

Because the meaning of life lies in choice. When a person makes a choice for his own life, no matter if these choices are right or wrong, his life will be rich and varied because of his own choice, and his mental energy will continue to increase. Only if you have made a choice, one person is counted as living. If this person's life is chosen by someone else, then his life is meaningless. No matter how much other people give him, no matter how "correct" they choose to be rational, he will be weak.

Making choices for children in the name of love can be very confusing. Parents feel that they are doing right and children do not know how to resist. However, both parents and children are distressed. Parents find that they must always worry about their children, and children often feel “boring,” “irritating,” and even suffocating, as if someone is licking their necks. same.

This sense of suffocation is not difficult to understand, because parents make all the decisions for their children is to mentally drown children's lives.

Remember: If you really love children, please respect their independent space, please let them let them choose, please do not mentally kill them.

I love you so we don't separate?

Adults often force children to stick with themselves in the name of love. This is also a common lie in parent-child relationships.

A mother wrote that her son would never say anything to her after she was in middle school. She could not know what her child wanted and was very anxious. I wrote back that this is an inevitable feature of adolescence. Children must be deliberately keeping a certain distance from their parents, so as to ensure their own independent space. Parents do not need to do locusts in their babies' stomachs. Children think of everything they want.

As a result, I received the second letter from this e-mail. It turned out that the mother would not use the e-mail, the letter in front of the son to help her send. This time the son wrote his own, and he agreed with me, "but the mother is not willing to accept."

This is very simple. It is not the needs of the son but the needs of the mother. In fact, she can admit it and say to her son, "I need you, so please come closer to me and talk with me in your heart," instead of using the "I love you" love lie.

Parents and children stick together. Usually, children are not children without their parents. Because independent growth is the impulse of life. Unless this impulse is severely damaged, children who enter puberty will not be happy to stick with their parents all day long. Together.

Parents who stick to children seriously can cause a lot of evil consequences. The most common is the impediment to children's outward development. Children stop growing independently to meet the needs of their parents and even refuse to fall in love because they think it is a betrayal of their parents.

Remember: Parents should always ask themselves: "Do you really do this for children or for myself?"